Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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