She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
