So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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