I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
