He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
50% drunk capacity currently
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
