Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
