Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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