Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
