im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My hand turned me down
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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