from now on my penis is your penis
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
