Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
