Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
