Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
