Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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