Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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