I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
