I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
