Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
