oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
