apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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