cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
