I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
