I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?