I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
