My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
