plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
