your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
