My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
