so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
