i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
