maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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