so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
