she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
