you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
