Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
