i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
