If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
where are my eyebrows?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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