How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
