you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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