Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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