How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
