i permit you to call me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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