Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
