I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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