somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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