so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
