Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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