you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize