hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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