You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
