When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
