Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
