I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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