There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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