Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone