I want to make a zoo with you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.