It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?