My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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