I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
