all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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