I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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