her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
